We watched Jesus Camp over the weekend, and I was really kind of creeped out by it.

Not that I have anything against faith, Christianity, or Evangelicalism… To be completely honest, I’m kind of envious. It must be nice to believe with all your heart that there’s someone out there looking out for you…that there’s some kind of divine plan…that things will all work out in the end…that there really is Justice in the world… So, by all means, believe in whatever you can. But these folks in Jesus Camp were a little odd.

The children reminded me of the kids in Village of the Damned. They were all entirely too serious and worried about their salvation. Sure, take your kids to church…teach them about Jesus…but give them time to play, too. There’s a scene where one of the camp counselors doesn’t allow the kids to tell ghost stories before bed because it doesn’t celebrate Jesus. Apparently everything these kids do, 24/7, has to celebrate Jesus.

And the woman running the place sounded like a villain from Final Fantasy. She stated repeatedly that “our enemies” (Islamic terrorists, I assume) were teaching their children to die for their religion and she wanted to see Christian children with the same fervor. She actually wants to emulate the way these terrorists do business! I thought terrorism was bad? She also talks about how “useful” kids are to the Evangelical movement, making them sound more like tools or weapons than living human beings.

And then, after reducing a living human being to the status of a “useful” tool…we see a presentation on how evil abortion is. Apparently unborn children are to be loved and cherished…but once they’re born they’re just “useful.”

Later we see this woman on a radio show insisting that they have no political agenda… This is after we’ve seen them treating a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush as the guest of honor at their camp. After we’ve seen them fervently praying for “righteous judges” that will turn back Roe v. Wade. After we’ve seen this woman explain how the problem with democracy is that everyone is equal, even the folks who are wrong, and it’s time for Evangelicals to take back the nation. We see another woman who’s teaching her children some bizzarely different version of the Pledge of Allegiance.

There’s also a great scene at one of the megachurches, with Ted Haggard being terrifically holier than thou…

And, of course, there’s plenty of anti-science sentiment. One woman explains to her kid that Intelligent Design is the only way to explain everything (mainly because Intelligent Design cannot be disproved). And then there’s a kid who proudly points out that science doesn’t prove anything (no, actually it explains things). Apparently Global Warming is now somehow anti-Christian too, since it’s lumped in there with Evolution as well.

The worst thing, I think, was the complete lack of understanding (and lack of desire to understand) these Evangelicals displayed throughout the movie. They talk about loving the United States and patriotism…and then complain about how democracy makes everyone equal… They talk about putting the church back into government, when one of the key reasons our government was created was to ensure a separation of church and state…

And all through the movie these people talk about “taking back” the country. You can’t take back something that was never yours to begin with. If you could, I’d most certainly “take back” all the gold in Fort Knox.

I’ve really got to start listening to my feelings. When I start off a day feeling as anxious and cruddy as I did today, I really need to just call in sick. Yes, today turned out to be just as chaotic, busy, and hellacious as I feared it would be.

The calls that I was originally scheduled for all went very easily. In fact, if all I had to deal with today was the original schedule that I saw this morning at 7:00, I would have had a very easy day. But the phone was ringing off the hook before I even made it out the door for my first call this morning.

One of the local ISPs had major email issues this morning, nobody was getting email through their servers. We had at least a dozen clients call us up to check on their email, and it was a good 15-20 minutes before I could get a straight answer out of the ISP.

Another one of our clients had their Internet connection (through a different ISP) fail completely.

Someone else was having software trouble…

The Wind Farm people needed someone out on-site (an hour away) immediately…

Needless to say, it was a busy day.

It’s Monday again, and I am just not ready to face another week of work.  I think I’ve mentioned before how I will sometimes wake up feeling very anxious about the coming day…and how those days usually wind up being particularly horrible in some way…  Well, I woke up feeling anxious today, so I’m just waiting to see what kind of hell breaks loose.

They aren’t even pretending that I actually work an 8-hour day anymore…  My day is completely scheduled from 8 - 5, with absolutely no room for a lunch break in there.  So I’ll wind up putting in a full 9 hours today (or more), and only get paid for 8.

I finally got a raise a few months back…  Nothing spectacular, but very welcome nonetheless.  The problem is that I now make too much money to qualify for Family Health Plus.

We looked into some alternatives…  Like the Medicaid Spend-Down and Healthy NY, but those cost entirely too much for us to pay for - we wouldn’t have enough left over to pay the bills.

So, it looks like we’re probably going to have to go with the insurance that my employer offers…  Which sounds like it will basically erase the raise I just got.

Work is really starting to grind me down again.  The days are getting busier and busier, but the work just isn’t terribly engaging.  It isn’t interesting, it isn’t challenging…

I’m not learning or growing anymore…the work isn’t pushing my abilities or knowledge anymore.  It seems like all the clients are blurring together…all with the same or very similar setup, and very predictable problems.  I’m getting sick of building basic Windows networks…scanning for viruses, sharing files, checking on backups…  I feel stagnant - not just my skills, but the job itself - there’s really very little room for advancement left.

The new guy started last week, and he’s been following me around for the last few days, learning the ropes.  And as I take him around to the various clients and show him how we’ve set things up and how we do things…I’m seeing the same thing over and over again…  It’s very hard for me to sound enthusiastic and get this guy interested and involved in the job, because it seems so dull and repetitive to me.

I’m really not sure what the solution is…  I don’t really want anything important to break, but at least that would make things interesting for a little while.  I guess I really just want to be challenged again…  I want to feel like I’m pushing my limits.

Of course, I can always pick up some books and learn some new skills…get a new certification…but it really seems pointless right now.  I guess it could help me find a new job, but it wouldn’t help me at all in my current job.  My current job isn’t even fully utilizing the skills I have right now.

I’m sure I’ll get over this in a few days or weeks…I have before.  But right now I’m just having a very hard time looking forward to tomorrow.  Every morning I’m sorely tempted to call in sick.  Every night when I go to bed I wish it was Friday night.